Life with Sensory Processing Disorder

Monday, February 10, 2014

Misunderstood Again

So yesterday we ventured out into the sunshine; to get out, get into nature, take some nature photos, do some shopping, have lunch. We head to the store first. Because it is winter and cold out (around 10F), they turn the heat up high so all the older women who shop there (large bead store) can be comfortable. I am prone to overheating and have reactions to being too hot; hives, flushing, shaking, hypoglycemia if I stress about it, feel generally sick, panic, fainting (well this has happened only once and hopefully never again!). So after 5 minutes inside I am already uncomfortable and feel hot. I start sweating, so I take off my jacket. I start shaking and feel like I am going to fall down. I can feel myself flush and am starting to panic, which only makes me hotter. I have my husband hold my jacket and my tray of goodies and tell him we are going to have to leave. He says I should step outside to cool down, I say no let’s just pay and go, I am really thirsty now and feel like I need to get out of there. So we head to the cash register, only one other in front of us already paying, thankfully. The lady at the cash register has to do some price checks on my selections – I am freaking out, afraid I will pass out. She comes back and apologizes for the wait. I smile and say no problem. Then the phone rings and she answers it, again says sorry for the wait. I’m freaking out, feeling sweat run down my head and back, my face hot and I’m sure red. I have 3 frequent beader cards that need to be consolidated & then punched and she again apologizes for taking so long. What is so frustrating is even though I try to be polite and smile, I’m sure I look mad or angry. I’m not though, just trying to manage, get through, not faint or shake so uncontrollably that I look like a freak. When I blow air on my face it isn’t me sighing or doing it out of irritation, I’m trying to cool myself down!

I’ve found some relief since learning about SPD & causes and how to manage, but it is so depressing that it will not go away, there is no cure, and I am so often misunderstood. It seems like my entire life is spent managing; managing my body, my reactions, my food, my environment, my stresses and hypersensitivities. I think because I look “normal” people just assume I am rude, bitchy, whatever and not that I am sick or there is anything wrong going on with me. I don’t look autistic or like I have a sensory disorder. I feel bad for the people I come into contact with that think I am being bitchy, I’m really not. I don’t mean to offend or seem rude. I’m just trying to manage and if you don’t know what I am dealing with and thinking and feeling inside, you have no idea. So once again…

Perhaps I need to get the above printed on a t-shirt and wear it everywhere I go.

On the bright side I got some really good treasures at the bead store, we went to the park and saw 5 deer. We witnessed a beautiful sunset and had a late lunch out.

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